On the day my father died,
I wasn’t sad
Or thinking about how my life would be after his passing
I thought, “This time, I have to be mature.”
What does it mean?
How’s it different than growing up?
Being mature means
I’m not just a daughter anymore
I’m now a partner to my mother
Sharing my income
Thinking about how my decision could affect my family
Realized that now I live not only for myself
Being mature means
My brother is starting to resent the fact
that I constantly nag him to study
Because as the big sister
I now have the responsibility to guide him like a parent should
Being mature means
Constantly take rain-checks to my date plans
I can’t go to social events all the time
Hoping they’d understand
I refrain from shopping
Knowing that I can’t spend my money as much as I want
Every cent I have counted so I can eat tomorrow
Being mature means
Secretly hoping someone, anyone, will accept the fact
That I can’t be loving and understanding all the time
I have to give tough love and make tough decisions
Because if I don’t do it, who will?
Being mature means
I repress my feelings and put on a happy face
If they know I’m not okay, then my family will crumble
I have to be a warrior who silently bleeds as I fight against my adversaries
Repressed Feelings 