The kettle knew her before the room did.
It sat squat and stainless on the counter, handle warm from the building’s unreliable heat, humming softly. Celeste filled it from the tap and watched the water turn briefly cloudy before clearing. She set it back and clicked the switch. The light blinked on, red and patient.
The studio held its breath, as if also waiting. In the hush, the old radiators clanked, and the air tasted faintly of dust, solder, and last night’s ramen. Even the shadows lingered over battered cases and lyric notebooks, undecided between retreat and advance.
Morning had not claimed it yet. It lingered in that narrow hour where sound hadn’t decided what it wanted to be. Not empty. Just unowned. The amplifiers slept under their own dust; their metal faces dulled. Dreaming in low static. The drum kit had shifted overnight. One cymbal angled slightly, as if someone had nudged it in passing and chosen not to confess. The skins bore the faint prints of fingers sticky with hope or frustration. A scarf lay abandoned on the back of a chair, stripes unraveling at one end, still holding the ghost of someone’s perfume—floral, cheap, not unloved. Someone’s jacket had been draped over an amp with the casual faith that it would still be there later. A single candy wrapper peeked from the pocket, its crinkle a silent dare.
Celeste hung her coat on the same hook as yesterday. The hook creaked in recognition. She lined her bag beneath the counter with care. From it, she took a small glass votive, the kind that had survived a dozen churches and twice as many pockets. The wax inside was white and clean, unadorned. She set it on the far edge of the kitchenette counter, near the window, away from paper and cords.
She did not announce it.
She struck a match. The sound was brief, decisive—a sharp inhale in the quiet. The sulfur smell curled up, sharp and oddly comforting. The flame leaned, then steadied, its heart blue and stubborn. When she touched it to the wick, the candle accepted it without fuss. A bead of wax trembled before surrendering to heat, the first sign of surrender in a room full of old battles.
January 6. The number hung in the air, heavy as breath on glass. It was a day that always pressed itself into her spine, persistent grief and quiet reverence intertwining, as if she carried prayer beads of memory and loss beneath her ribs.
She did not say the name aloud. The day carried it. It had weight. It always did.
She poured tea leaves into the pot. Black. Loose. Fragrant. Leaves that crumbled between her fingers and left smudges on her skin. The scent rose immediately, dark and grounding, curling into the corners of the room. It coaxed the cold from the windows. Steam lifted when the kettle clicked off. Sharp and alive, wrapping her face in warmth, fogging her glasses just enough to turn the world blurry and intimate. She poured slowly, watching the water darken, listening to the leaves shift like something waking up—like small secrets stretching after a long sleep.
Outside, the city looked bad in winter. Pale light scraped along brick, exposing flaws and graffiti. The windows kept the cold back with a tired hum, frost feathering the corners. Below, a truck coughed awake, exhaust mingling with the burn of her candle.
Footsteps sounded behind her. She didn’t turn.
“Morning,” Mark said, already frayed, voice carrying the soft defeat of someone who had lost an argument with sleep.
He dropped his bag by the desk and leaned against the doorframe like it was the only thing keeping him upright. His eyes found the candle, first blank with exhaustion, then flickering with sudden vulnerability as he darted away and back—the way people notice something they hadn’t planned to but suddenly can’t unsee. For a moment, the light softened the weariness etched in his face, letting something gentler surface.
“You starting a fire?” he asked.
“No.”
“Good. Because the insurance situation is already… fragile.”
She smiled faintly and poured tea into the first mug. Plain ceramic. Chipped rim. The mug knew things too—a history of hurried mornings, careless elbows, and late nights when only caffeine could keep the world upright. She slid it across the counter, the handle turned just so. A small offering of peace in the precarious morning.
“For you.”
He took it with both hands, blinking like he’d been handed a truce. Relief flashed in his tired eyes. “You’re making tea.”
“Yes.”
“For everyone.”
“Yes.”
He took a sip and exhaled as if the room had shifted under him. “Okay. You can stay.”
She poured another mug.
The others arrived in uneven waves.
Nao came first, quiet as a thought. He nodded to her, clocked the candle, and said nothing. His hair was mussed at the crown. His hoodie bore the faint outline of a guitar pick that had been tucked inside the pocket for too long. He accepted his mug with a small bow. It could have been politeness or habit—his family’s manners never quite worn out by the city. He sat cross-legged on the floor near his bag. Blew on the tea, watching the steam drift upward as if reading fortunes in the curl of it.
Brett followed, boots loud on the concrete, jacket half-zipped like he hadn’t decided if he was staying or leaving. His hair stuck up in places, a cowlick defying gravity and reason. He sniffed the air appreciatively, eyes widening. “That smells like competence. Or at least like someone who’s been trusted with a hot appliance.”
“It’s tea,” Mark said.
“Exactly.”
Brett took his mug and leaned against the counter, content.
Leo came in with his camera already hanging at his chest, lens cap swinging, a battered sticker half-peeled on the side. He paused mid-step, eyes drawn to the candle’s glow. For a moment, the usual wariness in his posture melted; his shoulders dropped, and he exhaled, tension replaced by quiet reverence. The click of his shutter was softer than usual as he snapped a photo, a small act of respect.
“You celebrating something?” he asked.
“Yes,” Celeste said.
“What?”
She considered. “Epiphany.”
He nodded once, as if that settled a private question. “Good day for it.”
Paul arrived last, as always, as if the world was obliged to wait for his entrance. His boots squeaked with theatrics, the door banging against the wall as a warning shot. There was a little too much energy in his stride for the hour—like he’d already had three coffees or was still running on the fumes of last night’s trouble.
He filled the doorway without asking permission. Coat slung over one shoulder. Hair still damp from cold or sweat. Jaw set in a way that dared the morning to challenge him. He took in the room in a glance; clocked the mugs, the kettle, the calm. Then he zeroed in on the counter, eyes narrowing with theatrical suspicion.
He stopped.
He stared.
Then he laughed.
“Oh no,” he said. “You’ve escalated.”
Celeste poured the last mug and set it aside, the liquid swirling dark as ink. She didn’t look at him yet, feeling the warmth and intensity of his focus. Her hands stayed steady, but her heart fluttered with anxious energy—a silent hope that her calm would hold beneath his attention.
Paul crossed the room in three long strides and leaned over the counter, hands braced on either side of the votive. The flame wavered but held.
“What is that?” he asked, voice pitched loud enough to be a performance.
“A candle.”
“For what?”
“For light.”
“Uh-huh.” He grinned. “And the tea.”
“Yes.”
“So you’re telling me we’ve hired a witch.”
Mark groaned. “Paul.”
“I’m just asking questions.” Paul’s eyes flicked to Celeste at last. “Is this a coven thing. Morning ritual. Chanting. Do we sacrifice the drummer?”
Nao looked up. “I object.”
Celeste turned then, mug in hand, and met Paul’s gaze.
“No sacrifices,” she said. “Just water and leaves.”
“And the candle.”
“And the candle.”
He squinted. “Is it scented?”
“No.”
“Missed opportunity.”
She stepped past him, careful not to brush his arm, her breath catching for a heartbeat as the space between them compressed. Then the tension eased as she set her mug on the table and opened her notebook, forcing her focus onto the page.
“You’re very calm for someone summoning spirits,” he said.
“I’m not summoning anything.”
“That’s what they all say.”
She flipped to a clean page and wrote the date. Her handwriting was neat, unhurried.
January 6.
Paul leaned against the counter and lifted his mug. He sniffed it suspiciously, nose wrinkling. “If I grow a third eye, I’m suing. And I want hazard pay.” He took a cautious sip, watching Celeste over the rim as if she might chant at any moment.
“Drink it,” Brett said. “You’ll grow manners.”
Paul took a sip and paused. His mouth quirked reluctantly; annoyance warred briefly with surprise, and admiration flickered in his eyes before he swallowed and nodded, almost against his will.
“…damn it.”
Celeste didn’t look up.
They worked. The sound of keys, sheet music shuffling, and feet moving—work here was a tide. Celeste moved through the morning with deliberate peace, her hands finding order in the chaos, a buffer against the studio’s entropy.
Morning slid into itself quietly. Phones buzzed and were silenced. The emails were stacked and sorted. Schedules multiplied and then thinned. Celeste moved through them with a steadiness that didn’t ask for attention. She answered questions before they turned sharp. She flagged problems before they grew teeth.
The candle burned low but evenly. Wax pooled cleanly. The flame didn’t smoke. It just bent occasionally, as if listening to the drafts and conversations around it. The scent of hot wax mingled with tea and the faint, rusty tang of old strings.
Paul found excuses.
He wandered past the kitchenette more than necessary, adjusting things that didn’t need adjusting—straightening the tea towel, re-centering the sugar bowl, tapping the side of the kettle as if it might reveal secrets. He made comments to no one in particular, some sly, some bewildered, all trailing after Celeste like curious cats.
“So,” he said at one point, “do you always start your day like this, Sister Mary Darkness?”
Celeste answered without looking up. “My name is Celeste.”
“That’s worse.”
“Why?”
“It’s suspiciously on-brand.”
Mark shot him a look. “Can you not antagonize our assistant before noon?”
“I’m bonding.”
“Try silence.”
Paul ignored him. “Do you bless the tea?”
“No.”
“Shame. Missed revenue stream.”
She clicked through a calendar and said nothing.
He circled again.
“What saint is it today?” he asked, mock-solemn, clutching his mug like a relic. “Saint of Hot Beverages? Patroness of Sleepy Bandmates? The Blessed Lady of Not Setting the Toast On Fire?”
She paused, pen hovering. “The Magi arrived today.”
“The what?” Paul blinked, genuinely thrown for a second, like a quiz show contestant who realizes he’s out of lifelines.
“The wise men.”
Paul snorted. “Bold of them.”
“They followed a star,” she said. “It took them time.”
“And they brought gifts.”
“Yes.”
“What’d they bring you?”
She considered. “Peace.”
He laughed. “Okay, that’s cheating.”
He leaned closer. “You going to tell us when the prophecy drops?”
“There is no prophecy.”
“That’s exactly what a prophet would say.”
The candle guttered. Celeste reached out and adjusted it slightly, shielding the flame from the draft. Paul watched her fingers. Pale. Steady. No tremor.
“Do you ever get angry?” he asked suddenly.
She looked at him then. Really looked.
“Yes,” she said, her voice even, but her eyes bright as iron in sunlight. She did not flinch, did not blink, just held his gaze until he looked away first.
“When?”
“When it’s useful.”
He grinned, wide and sharp. “You’re fun.”
“No,” she said. “I’m efficient.”
The morning shifted. The studio woke fully. Sound crept in. A guitar string tested its voice. Someone laughed at something that hadn’t been funny five minutes ago.
At some point, the candle burned down to its final inch. Celeste noticed because she always did. She waited for a lull and then pinched the flame out with a small metal snuffer she carried in her bag. The wick smoked briefly and then went still.
Paul clapped slowly. “Riveting.”
She met his eyes. “You’re welcome.”
“For what?”
“For the tea.”
He lifted his empty mug in a mock toast. “Fair.”
The room held. The city pressed. The morning learned her and let her stay. Outside, the day stretched forward, full of the ordinary violence of traffic and the low, uncertain hope that sometimes blooms after frost. Celeste tucked her notebook away and stood, boots whispering on the floor, already planning the next right thing, already listening for what the room would need tomorrow.
Later, when the room emptied for lunch runs and smoke breaks, Paul lingered.
It happened in stages, the way fog lifts or a song fades out. Brett announced noodles and left—his boots thudding on the old linoleum, coat flapping behind. Leo followed, camera slung low, distracted by a new angle; he paused at the door, chasing something golden. Nao drifted out last, quiet as he’d arrived, a half-wave and a promise to bring back something sweet—keys jingling, footsteps apologetic. Mark left with his phone pressed to his ear, voice tight, weaving through imaginary obstacles as if dodging the day’s next disaster. The door’s final click was sharp.
The door closed. The studio exhaled—an audible release, as if the room had been holding its breath all morning. Light shifted on the walls, stretching into the spaces left empty by laughter and arguments, settling around Celeste and Paul.
Celeste remained at the table. Her laptop was open, the glare of the screen bright in the changed quiet. She reorganized a travel spreadsheet that had grown teeth overnight. Her eyes tracked numbers and names. She rerouted chaos into columns with the slow satisfaction of untangling a necklace. The candle sat dark now—wick bent—a quiet witness that did not ask to be explained. She nudged it farther from the edge with one finger. Adjusted a column width. Her nail clicked softly against the plastic. The clack of keys sounded louder in the empty room. Each stroke echoed in the hush—a metronome for thoughts she didn’t share.
Paul leaned against the chair opposite, arms crossed, one ankle casually hooked over the other. His energy had shifted. The bravado that usually announced him had faded, replaced by something guarded—like a blade held low. He was tense, shoulders hunched, lips pressed together, eyes darting between Celeste’s hands and her face. His usual confidence was edged with uncertainty, and for once, his voice felt hesitant, threading through the space and searching for somewhere safe to land.
“So,” he said. “You’re really going to Mass every Sunday.”
“Yes.” Her reply came easily, not defiant but unyielding, like a door that simply didn’t open the way you wanted.
“No exceptions.”
“No.” Flat, certain. She didn’t even blink.
“What if we’re onstage?”
“I won’t be.” She finally looked up, gaze steady but not unkind. “That’s the deal.”
“What if it’s important?”
“I’ll plan around it.” She straightened a pen beside her laptop, fingers steady as she made the promise, her tone making it sound less like a concession and more like a fact of physics.
“What if I tell you not to?”
She didn’t look up. “You’re not my employer.” Her voice was so calm it almost felt like a compliment, a gentle reminder that some lines don’t move no matter how hard you push.
The words landed cleanly. No emphasis. No heat.
Paul barked a brief laugh before he could stop himself, the sound abrupt—part challenge, part admiration—and it cracked off the concrete before dying quickly. His grin was sharp, but his eyes softened, revealing a flash of respect, as if he recognized a worthy opponent. “You’re going to be a problem.”
“I hope not.”
He studied her, almost disbelieving. “You don’t flinch,” he said. “Most people flinch.” His tone was curious but tinged with a trace of frustration, as if he couldn’t quite understand her composure, like he was collecting data for a science fair project on stubbornness.
She finished adjusting a column, checked a time zone twice, then closed the laptop gently. The hinge clicked. “You mistake stillness for submission.” Her words hung between them, neither sharp nor soft, a boundary defined.
His smile thinned. “Careful.”
She stood. Collected her mug—ceramic, warm, faintly tea-stained. The handle molded to her palm, like it remembered her grip. At the sink, she rinsed it—first too hot, then just right. Steam lifted, fogging the air, then vanished, leaving her fingers tingling. She set the mug upside down on a towel. Watched the water bead and run. Dried her hands on her jeans. Slow. Deliberate.
When she turned back, he was watching her with narrowed eyes, torn between irritation and intrigue. Gone was his performative air—now his gaze was pinned to her, steady and searching, as if he was puzzled by a riddle he hadn’t known he was asking. The irritation in his expression was layered with reluctant interest, a silent calculation he could not yet solve.
“You really are a goth nun,” he said, quieter—almost gently, like he was offering her a nickname instead of an insult. “You know that.”
She reached for her bag, fingers brushing the worn patch over the zipper. “You say that like it’s a flaw.” She didn’t smile, but the corners of her mouth hinted at something amused.
“It’s not.”
“Then stop saying it like an insult.” She slung her bag over her shoulder, chin lifted and posture so straight it challenged him, eyes steady, daring him to disagree, the hint of a smile flickering at the edge of her mouth.
He opened his mouth, then closed it again. Whatever he’d planned to say fell apart on contact, like a joke that didn’t survive the punchline. He looked at the floor, then away, lips working in silence, searching for a comeback that wouldn’t come.
The room held its breath, the kind of silence that feels like a held note, vibrating just below the skin.
Paul laughed, softer this time, the sound more genuine. “Fine. But don’t expect me to light any candles. Last time I tried, the fire alarm went off, and Nao wrote a song about it.”
She slung her bag over her shoulder, the strap creaking. Her voice was lighter now, tension easing from her shoulders and her tone, as if finally able to let the moment go. “I’ll be back in fifteen.”
“For what?” He cocked his head, eyebrow raised, like he hadn’t just spent five minutes interrogating her.
“Lunch.” She lingered long enough to let the word hang, then disappeared into the hallway, boots tapping out her exit.
He nodded once, half-smiling. “Don’t forget to light a candle for my soul. I’m overdue for a miracle. Or at least a nap.”
She paused at the door, looked back over her shoulder, and deadpanned, “It’s too early for that.”
For the first time, Paul almost laughed and didn’t bother hiding it.
He watched her go, the city swallowing her sound as soon as the door closed behind her. He stood in the studio’s hush, rubbing his thumb against the lip of his mug, feeling the echo of her words settle inside him, stubborn as hope.
Outside, winter bit politely. Celeste walked two blocks. Then another. Boots found rhythm on salted sidewalks; her breath clouded the air. She bought a sandwich she would eat slowly and an apple she might forget about. Exchanged a smile with the cashier. The cashier wore mittens indoors. The city’s noise trailed her back—distant sirens, a street vendor’s bark, laughter leaking from a doorway. She returned with the city’s noise still clinging to her coat, cheeks stinging, feeling more awake than she had all morning.
When she came back, the studio felt altered. Subtly. Like a line had been drawn and agreed upon without ceremony. Paul had moved his chair closer to the window now, as if needing the distraction of the street. The candle remained unlit, but her mug had been rinsed and left drying, a small, silent acknowledgment. The room held its shape, but the weight had shifted, softer in the corners.
But the smell of tea lingered—a memory of warmth, stubborn and sweet, refusing to leave just yet.
Repressed Feelings 