By Friday, everyone in the room understood Paul’s moods, as if they had settled in deep, as the weather does in your bones.
No one mentioned it. The feeling arrived before Paul, a quiet tension spreading. Even the walls seemed changed. The air felt thinner, more charged. Celeste noticed that while the hallway lights still blinked on, before the door opened, before any noise confirmed it.
Paul came in already sharp.
Paul’s jacket slipped off his shoulder and landed on a chair or the floor. He didn’t bother to pick it up. The mic cord tangled around his boot as he walked. He left it there, almost daring someone not to notice. The sound check fell apart early. Someone hit a cymbal too hard, and the metal rang too long. A count was missed—not by accident, but not late enough to excuse.
The room adjusted.
Everyone reacted in their own way. Brett stood straighter, steadying himself. Leo moved closer to the wall and let the noise fade. Peter tuned his instrument slowly and carefully. He focused on something precise. Nao tried to joke, but stopped halfway—feeling the change in the room. His laughter faded into a small, quiet smile.
Celeste adjusted too.
She didn’t announce it. She never did.
She quietly changed the schedule, moving a softer piece up and cutting a break she had planned. She made a call earlier than usual, knowing the person on the other coast would be awake, and thinking it was better to use up impatience on someone outside the room. Her hands worked carefully, pencil tapping once before going still. The others followed her lead without realizing it.
Paul noticed.
“Wow,” Paul drawled, leaning back against the amp, arms loose, eyes sharp on the clipboard tucked against her ribs. “Didn’t know we hired a disciplinarian.”
She kept writing. The pen scratched softly, steady, unhurried.
“Careful,” Paul continued, his voice growing warmer with the attention. “She might put us in detention. Kneel on rice. That sort of thing.”
Nao laughed quickly, but stopped as soon as Brett looked at him, pressing his lips together in apology. Leo stayed by the wall, eyes down, guitar hanging at his side. Peter kept tuning, not looking up, his fingers moving slowly and carefully over the strings.
Celeste walked over and put a bottle of water by Paul’s feet. She didn’t hand it to him or look at him. She set it down where he would notice it, but didn’t offer it directly.
Paul pushed the bottle with his boot, making the plastic scrape softly on the concrete.
Paul nudged the bottle again with his boot. “You got a name,” he jeered, “or is it just the outfit? Because I’m sticking with Goth Nun. Rolls off the tongue.”
She paused. Just long enough to cap her pen.
“My name is Celeste,” she replied.
Her voice stayed calm and steady. She didn’t raise it or make a show, but she didn’t back down either.
Paul grinned, wide and careless. “Course it is.”
The morning dragged on. Hours passed, slow as fog that never clears. Rehearsal moved in fits and starts. They made progress, lost it, then tried again. Voices clashed and quieted. Paul’s comments slipped in at the right moments—not enough to stop things, but enough to leave a mark.
“Hey, Goth Nun,” Paul called while she balanced the schedule on her knee, pencil tucked behind her ear. “You ever do anything fun? Or you just here to judge us silently?”
She walked past him, close enough that their shoulders almost touched. The space between them felt tense, a thin line neither one crossed.
“Because,” he added, louder now, projecting for the room, “it’s creepy. The staring. Like you’re writing us down for later.”
She stopped at the doorway and turned around.
“I don’t stare,” she said. “I listen.”
A quick expression crossed his face—maybe surprise, maybe irritation at being called out so clearly. He hid it right away.
“Yeah?” he said. “To God or to gossip?”
Brett stepped in before the sound could sharpen further, voice level, grounded. “Paul.”
Paul waved him off. “Relax. I’m bonding.”
Celeste walked to the board, erased a previously written time, and wrote a new one with deliberate, steady motions. Even as a familiar ache pressed behind her eyes, her hand did not waver. She drew slow, measured breaths and counted the spaces between the newly arranged numbers.
At lunch, she didn’t sit.
She stood by the counter, calmly typing responses to emails. When others reached for plates, she passed them over one by one. She observed who ate quickly, who set their food aside untouched, and who just pushed food around their plates rather than eating.
When Paul didn’t reach, she didn’t insist.
“Not hungry?” Nao asked him, gently, trying to soften the space.
Paul shrugged. “Lost my appetite. Too holy in here.”
She kept typing.
The afternoon felt heavier. The room warmed with people and noise. Rain traced thin lines outside as the windows fogged. A song stopped halfway. An argument flared up, then faded into silence.
Later, when the room was briefly empty and the instruments were quiet, Paul found himself alone with the silence.
“You know what I think?” Paul said in a low, almost conversational tone.
She looked up from her spreadsheet. There was nowhere for her to move back; the counter was cool and firm against her back.
“I think you like it,” he continued. “The pity. The mystery. Makes people gentle.”
She turned to face him. He stood close, almost crossing a line but not quite. He waited, watching her for a reaction.
“I’m here to work,” she answered.
He leaned closer, the citrus sharp and clean against the sweat and metal of the room. “Then work,” he said. “And stop acting like you’re above us.”
She didn’t move.
“I’m not,” she replied.
Her words were plain and honest, with no attempt to defend herself.
He laughed once, sharp, brittle. “Sure.”
The afternoon felt tighter around them. When Mark finally ended things, the air seemed worn out, as if something had been used too much. Celeste picked up her papers, straightened them, and put them in her folder. She cleaned the counter, wiped it down, washed the last mug, and set it to dry.
She moved slowly and with purpose, following a routine she had learned long before she came to this room or this city.
Paul watched her leave in silence. His eyes followed her as she walked out, and something uneasy showed in the tightness of his jaw and the way his foot tapped once, then stopped.
Outside, the light had already gone.
She walked home in silence, without music. The city buzzed around her, busy and uncaring. Sirens sounded in the distance, then faded. She left her phone in her bag, choosing not to answer it.
She paused at her door. Her breath caught for a moment, a tight feeling passing through her chest. Then she unlocked the door and went inside.
Her apartment was quiet when she came in. She put down her bag, hung up her coat, and lit a candle. The flame burned steadily, a small spot of warmth in the dim room. She stood for a moment, hands on the counter, letting the day’s tension fade.
She filled the kettle and waited for it to click. She poured hot water over the herbs she picked without thinking. Steam rose, smelling comforting. She held the mug and closed her eyes, taking a long, slow breath.
Later, she would sit on her bed and slowly, carefully take the pins from her hair. Later, she would kneel—not out of submission, but from habit—finding comfort in a routine that was older than this week, this city, or the room that had learned Paul’s moods.
For now, she stood and breathed.
Across the city, the studio lights went out. The room was empty. Paul stayed longer than necessary, replaying the day in his mind like background noise he couldn’t ignore. He told himself it didn’t matter. He told himself it was just a joke. He told himself he didn’t care.
None of it stuck.
The order she left behind stayed, quiet and steady, keeping the sense of her presence even after she was gone.
Repressed Feelings 